Dating your Spouse?

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Do you date your spouse? Think about this old verse in a popular song, “You gotta dance with the one that brought you!’ Ok, maybe it wasn’t a popular song but follow the thought. Dating got you and yours to the marriage alter. Dating will help sustain a level of health in your marriage.
Here are a few essentials of a fantastic date night.
Schedule it – everyone is so busy, and we must prioritize the importance of our relationships. Write it down! Send your spouse an invitation. Highlight the calendar.

Anticipate it – talk about how much fun it’s going to be. Send each other messages leading up to the date.
“I can’t wait to spend the evening out with you!”

Protect it – something always comes up. While a few things require you to reschedule, those things must be on a concise list.

Wisdom: don’t try to work things out on date night. Don’t use a date night to end a disagreement. Enjoy your time – plan to laugh, make out, dream, or stare into each other’s eyes. Focus on enjoying each other. You may need a predate night to talk things out.

Here is a great date night idea.
Schedule a trip to a town or city nearby that you usually don’t visit.
Look for a new restaurant and enjoy some fresh surroundings.

When was your last date night?

PSA Cycling 

Family, Fitness, General

Everybody is in a hurry. Speeding tickets prove this. It seems some believe the road is made of lava, and the longer they stay on it, the worse things will be. I get it. I can be impatient. But when it comes to life and death, I think we all should and would choose life. 

So, because I value your life and mine, I wanted to give a little 

PSA concerning cyclists. 

I ride. I cycle. My main exercise activity includes miles on the road riding a two-wheeled, chain-driven, human-powered machine. 

BTW, my name is Steven. I have a family that I love. So that you know, I have three beautiful grandbabies. This is very important because, just like you, I want to make it home safe. 

As a cyclist, I’m not trying to impede your progress of getting off the lava; I’m just trying to enjoy my chosen form of exercise. 

The most important idea you can embrace is that every cyclist has a name and a story.

When you, in your car, come upon me on my bike (cyclist) or a group of cyclist (peloton), here are a few things to do. 

Give me room. Minimally 3 feet, but moving to the other lane is much better if it is safe to do so. Oh, and you don’t have to show off your loud mufflers as you pass.  https://georgiabikes.org/resources/georgia-bike-laws/

Passing on hills or sharp curves is dangerous for everyone. If you can’t see what’s coming, be patient and enjoy the ride in your car with AC, watching me struggle up a hill in the heat. 

Fourways and roundabouts. Simple, give me the lane. It won’t take much time; I want to move through quickly, and I appreciate this one. 

BTW, blowing your horn don’t make my legs move faster. If you see me on the road and want to wave, great, I will wave back. Your horn can startle me and cause a wreck. If you must blow that horn do it after you pass me. 

Flick me off.

I get it you may be having a bad day, and I and my spandex add to it. So I receive your finger with compassion and wish you the best. Just give me a little room. 

And if you are just an angry person and want to cause issues with me on my bike, please know you and your car win every time. Also, listen to the song #TryJesus -Tobe Nwigwe

Remember, my name is Steven, and I Love my family and life, most likely just like you. 

#everycyclisthasaname 

What can you do to make the roads safe for everyone? 

nogoalsnewhabits

#nogoalsnewhabits

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This time of year is exciting! I think this is the one time of the entire year where change is most widely accepted. I’m sure you’ve seen all the New Year slogans and hashtags… Deck the halls with new resolutions. Tis’ the season to improve yourself. #newyearnewme #thisismyyear #startagain #becomingabetterme  

We all understand our goals should be specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound. #SMARTGoals. We get it! But easier said than done.

According to History.com, the practice of new year’s resolutions started some 4000 years ago with the Babylonians. They would make 

Promises to their gods to pay back debts and return anything borrowed (BTW, where’s my hedge trimmers?) They would also reaffirm their loyalties to the king.

Same story, new year.

Does this sound familiar to anyone?

In January, I’m motivated to achieve my goal to run a marathon this year. (insert any goal here) after running a few feet in January, I say, “it’s too cold to run; I will start running when it’s warmer” (insert any obstacle here.)

By February, life has gone back pre-new year resolution. #tryagainnextyear 

There has to be A better way. 

#nogoalsnewhabits Our habits are what shape us! If we desire a new shape or change, we need new habits! Considering habits, Think “being” over “doing!”  Example: I want to lose weight = doing. I desire to be healthier = being. Think lifestyle over time-frames. Example: Think, “I want to run a marathon this year” Instead, think “I want to be a runner!” 

Develop new habits, see a new you.  

Here is a shortlist of ideas to help you begin to develop healthy habits. 

  • Clarify the new habit. For some ideas, here is a quick link to 192 healthy habits. https://www.developgoodhabits.com/healthy-habits/
  • Start where you are now, not where you want to be later on. You may want to be a runner, but you’re a walker right now. Small gains over some time bring huge returns. 
  • Practice keystone habits. Keystone habits can be defined as “small changes or habits that people introduce into their routines that unintentionally carry over into other aspects of their lives,” according to Charles Duhigg in his book, The Power of Habit. One of the easiest keystone habits is making your bed.  
  • Start new habits rather than stopping bad habits. Think “I want to change my diet” over “I have to stop eating fast food.” 
  • Share your habit with someone. There is power in the community!
  • Consider healthy habits for each area of your life. Spiritual, emotional, relational, financial, and physical. 
  • And most importantly, give yourself grace! We all miss the mark of the change we desire. Don’t give up! Embrace your humanity and keep at it. Someone wisely said, “Just because you miss one day of brushing your teeth doesn’t mean you give up on brushing them until next year!”

Every day you say yes to the new way, the habit you’re trying to form gets more established in your life.

If you're tired of starting over, stop giving up! Share on X

In this together,

SteveNikki

What new habits can you develop in 2021?

Ideas we are taking into 2021

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4 ideas we are taking into 2021. 

I know we are excited to see 2021. And that’s because 2020 was CRAZY. Hopes for a new year and new you quickly turned to hoarding toilet paper. Toilet Paper! Do we know yet what the need for hoarding toilet paper was all about? Crazy moments help us welcome new days. So, we welcome 2021 and say adios to 2020. 

“The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it.” ― Rafiki

Here are 4 ideas that we learned in 2020 that we will be taking into 2021. 

Everybody needs somebody. When something is taken away, we then see it’s importance. 2020 has taught us the importance of community. We need each other! We will strive to be givers of grace in all our communities and continue to build healthy relationships. 

A rested you is a better you. Our frantic pace of life can outpace God. It was interesting to see how beautiful our world is without all the hustle during the lockdowns of 2020. I don’t want to be forced to rest in 2021 with more lockdowns. I want to be intentional with my rest and pace of life. #youareblessedifyourest

Simple is Spiritual. There is a place for the deep things of God. But it’s in the simple every day things done well and consistently that cause us to go forward in life, and help us to suffer less. Our spiritual lives are essential to our overall health.

"Hard things ain't bad things!" Share on X

Fun is Essential. “Laughter does good like a medicine.” If there is one thing 2020 has taught us, is that life is fragile. So make it a point to enjoy every single aspect of it. We often try to make a perfect life without any thought about enjoying said life. Embrace the dance even if you don’t dance; Or don’t dance well. Kool & the Gang said, “How you gonna do it if you really don’t wanna dance by standing on the wall? Get down on it!”

“It’s the rain that makes the flowers grow.”

What are you taking from 2020 into 2021? 

Thanksgiving

Faith, Family, General

Psalm 50:23 (a)
But giving thanks is a sacrifice that truly honors me

It is the human condition to complicate things. I raise my hand. As a person who sometimes teaches the truth to others, I have been very guilty of this.
After all, it seems like such a huge thing to share the very word of God. To have God himself speak through you sounds very overwhelming to me and a little scary. There are situations recorded in the Bible where ppl have been struck dead on the spot for misrepresenting God. Sign me up, right… ?? ha, no thanks.
But the cool thing is we are the ones He has chosen to use—all of our faults and all of our humanity. Also, the cool thing about grace is that if we offer it with a pure heart, He honors it. Like a kindergartener offering his parent a masterpiece that he drew in art class. (Think back to making a turkey out of your traced hand) the gospel message is straightforward; it’s just not easy. We are the ones that put rules and regulations and qualifiers on it. The message is simple… Love me, love others, help those in need, and truly be thankful.

This is the season to pause and reflect on how good our Father is to each of us. His goodness goes way deeper and way beyond accumulating“stuff!”
He has made hope and peace and healing and strength available to us. He helps us carry our burdens and those things that are too hard for us to carry on our own. He promised to be right there with us even if we have to walk in the very shadow of death.

Here on earth, you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33

He promises to love us unconditionally when we don’t deserve it and to never leave us no matter where we may find ourselves. There is no darkness that is too dark to Him.
Darkness and light are the same to you.
(Psalm 139:11)

As we bring all our things to Jesus in worship and as a sacrifice this thanksgiving season,
Let us remember the power of a genuinely thankful heart.
Thankfulness makes what we have enough.

What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving season?

Nikki

Stretchy pants can be deceiving.

Faith, Family, Fitness, General, ,

One thing I’ve learned in quarantine is that stretchy pants can be deceiving.

See, the thing with stretchy pants is the elastic in the waist allows them to expand. Therefore, our expanding waistline under the stretchy-ness of those comfortable pants can increase without our knowledge. 

It’s not until you go to put on actual pants (without an elastic waist) that you realize, um, “these jeans use to not be this hard to button!”  Who put my pants in the dryer?

Our bodies are made for tension. They grow under stress. Whether it’s birthing babies, trying to finally get those coveted abs, training for a race, or studying for a test. It’s in the hard things we do that keeps our minds sharp and our bodies healthy. 

From growing plants to forming diamonds, most good things only happen under tension. They have to be broken down to come back, and they come back better and stronger. 

When my son broke his collarbone playing football, the doctor told us that he most likely would never break that bone again. Why? Because after it’s been broken, it heals stronger than it was before. Our creator designed us that way. 

It’s not His will that we stay broken. 

The thing with comfort is that it can be deceptive because our minds and bodies need rest to heal. Here lies the tension. 

If we stay in something comfortable too long, our muscles will atrophy, and we will become weak in our ability to do hard things. And life, my friend, is full of hard things. 

Comfort in itself isn’t bad. I’ll be the first to say how much I love my stretchy pants. And we as humans all need to be comforted. It just can’t become our way of life. 

Being comfortable has a way of lulling us to sleep, and giving us a false sense of security, making us want to camp out. It’s a nice place to visit; you can’t build your house there. 

Being comfortable has a way of lulling us to sleep, and giving us a false sense of security Share on X

I dare to say all of us this year, in one way or another, have found ourselves in places where we have become too comfortable for too long. One more brownie, one more Netflix original series, ah, maybe we will catch church next Sunday. Can anyone relate? It is way to easy to do. 

But I would ask you to consider embracing the tension between comfort and growth. Absolutely enjoy a dessert and a good movie. By all means, take the time to be with your friends and family. But also make it a point to grow!

Go for a daily walk. Read a good book. Eat a vegetable every now and then. And most importantly, spend time in the presence of Jesus and the Word every day. This is where real change happens. We all want change; it’s just harder (uncomfortable) to do the changing. 

But, no doubt, it’s worth the effort. 

2 Corinthians 1:3-7 All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. 4 He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 5 For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. 6 Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. 7 We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us.

Where have you gotten too comfortable?

No Altar Needed

Faith, Family, General,

3-4 minute read – A short story my salvation Experience **Warning unconventional salvation**

1992 – I was walking into the courthouse to settle a simple infraction. You can’t just cuss people and walk away. The crime, “fighting words.”
(How many people would this affect today).
You do the crime; you do time! Well, the results were just community service and a fine.
As we, my dad and I were settling the misdemeanor, the clerk asked if I knew another Steven Hedgecoth in the area.
“Nope, I’m the only one,” I said with pride.
“Well, I have a warrant for his arrest,” she flatly replied.
My dad looked at me with a crazy and confused face.
My response came quickly, “it must be another Steven!”

As you probably guessed, there wasn’t another Steven. The arrest warrant was for me for something I had done a few days prior. I was being charged with aggravated assault and reckless conduct.
I was involved, but not alone. The incident happened, just not as the police reported it.

I never once prayed or considered anything spiritual. Hard heart, I guess. But Jesus has a way of softening things.

A few weeks later, my grandfather and I arrived at the courthouse and met the lawyer my mom made me hire. He repeatedly told me not to speak during the session; he would do all the talking. We would be in and out. The first court date was just a pre-trial session. “Not much to do, the case will go to a superior court,” said my fine lawyer.
As we walked into the courtroom, the scene was just like what you see in the movies. I saw the bailiff, prosecutor, and the arresting detective. I could hear the jail cell doors open and close in the background.
However, the judge was a substitute that day; not good. The replacement judge wouldn’t know the details of the case. As you can imagine, this was not a confidence booster.
And as I remember, the substitute judge was the biggest African American man I had ever seen. He was probably a regular guy, but to my 16-year-old eyes, he was huge.

This day wasn’t going as planned. My lawyer was nervous; I could see him physically shaking. The judge is out, and the substitute judge looks like a giant.
Let the case begin!

I set and listened to the charges and what they said I did. Some I agreed with, some I wanted to yell “objection!” Back and forth, they went for what seemed like hours. I thought this was going to be quick.

As I was listening to people argue my fate, I could hear something else. I don’t know if it was real or just in my head, but I could hear my grandfather praying. Which then provoked me to want to pray. So, I asked God to get me out of this mess. I even tried to make a deal with God. It went something like this, “God, if you get me out of this, I will serve you the rest of my life!”

In hindsight, that was a very arrogant prayer to pray. I acted as if I had something to offer God, and he needed to strike a deal with me. God, you need me; instead of God, I need you.

About that time, the judge asked me to stand, and he started asking me questions. Remember, I was told not to speak. But when the guy in charge of your future asks questions, you answer.
Is everything in the case covered financially? He asked.
“Yes,” was the response from my lawyer.
Steven, I hope you have learned your lesson.
“Yes,” was my reply.
Case dismissed! Bang with the gavel.

Wait, what? That’s it? Is it over?
I asked one of the officers on the way out, “can I leave?” Yes, he said.
My lawyer was so shocked and still physically shaking; he asked if I could buy him a coke. Something was wrong with this guy.

At that moment, I knew something supernatural had happened. I didn’t understand the grace that I was shown that day. But I walked out of that courtroom free and determined to keep my end of the deal.

I didn’t go to the altar, I found the grace of Jesus in a courtroom.

About a year later, Nikki and I were attending a small church service when someone prophesied over us that we would soon serve the Lord in ministry with our lives, full time. Neither of us had thought about ministry at this point. We just knew there was a radical change that had taken place in our lives, and we were just along for the ride. We had experienced God’s faithfulness, so we were down for whatever He wanted. We trusted Him. So we said yes. And we continued to say yes.

Zechariah 3:2 And the LORD said to Satan, “I, the LORD, reject your accusations, Satan. Yes, the LORD, who has chosen Jerusalem, rebukes you. This man is like a burning stick that has been snatched from the fire.”

I was a stick burning, and God snatched me from the fire!

Racism Sucks

Faith, Family, General, ,

Hey, have you heard the one about 2 white boys and a ni****?

Proceeds to tell the joke. Then sheepishly looks over at me,

“oh, I’m sorry, Nikki,” or

Hey, I can’t get these lights to work, I say we just ni*** rig it.

“Oh, sorry, Nikki.”

Should my offense be at the joke or the apology? Or should I be offended at all? Strong Christians don’t get offended! And an apology makes it ok, right?I mean, what kind of person doesn’t accept an apology?

And after all, it was just a joke! You’re too sensitive.
Can’t you take a joke?

I know it may be hard to believe, but I would never have even thought these comments to be considered racist until a few months ago.
Because this was how I was raised. These comments came from church people, friends, and loved ones who I know for a fact would never have done anything to purposely hurt me.
We are in the Deep South.
It was a different time back then….. I could go on and on with the excuses.

But now, here we are. 2020 Need I say more.

Racism sucks your self-worth!
Recently, By talking to friends and seeing the actual pain and anger from racism and injustice, something began to stir inside me. Something deep down that I had to keep smothered for survival. Something I never even realized was there. I always felt like this wasn’t my fight. One of the hard things about being multi-racial; is knowing what “team” you’re on. Knowing who’s got your back or who’s fighting with you or for you. This can be incredibly confusing when all the faces closest to you don’t look like you.

Racism sucks your clarity!
Where do I stand? Who am I?
I had an adorable blonde-haired boy tell me one time that he thought I was pretty and he wanted to be my boyfriend. But first, he needed to know what I “was.”
If I had a dollar for every time I’ve been asked that question. (there would be no more world hunger)
That question became a hole in my soul and left me in a real identity crisis.

Racism sucks your identity.
I could give you story after story of the things I’ve endured that have left scars on my soul. As I’m sure, many of you can as well. But that’s not what I want you to take away. Maybe that will come later in my novel. (Haha)

But for now, I want you to know that it is only through Christ that I have overcome, and I am continuing to overcome this crisis of identity.
You will only find yourself, your true identity, in Christ, your maker!

I was His excellent idea!
He shaped me, formed me, and made me like I am on purpose and for a purpose.

Jeremiah 1:5(a) – I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb.

Jeremiah 29:11- I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Psalm 139:13-18
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!

Racism has sucked some things from me, but God restores and gives back more than what was stolen.
This is where I put my hope and find my identity!

“We will overcome what divides us by the power of the cross.”

I wanna hear from you…. comment and tell me what has racism “sucked” from you?

*When you purchase a tee-shirt, a portion of the proceeds will go to a local charity

Centerpiece

Faith,

A centerpiece on a table sets the mood for the entire room. It’s the focal point of the room. With this in mind, consider the centerpiece of your heart.

What’s at the center of your life? What’s the focal point that sets the mood for your life? Everything flows through the center. The center is that “thing” that is most important to you. The thing you live for. Every decision and move you make are filtered through this center.

We will encounter problems when “things” that change are at the center.

We enter the crisis of change! Most of everything in our life changes. Change in itself isn’t awful, but when we live for “things” that keep changing, we end up living in a constant crisis. We have anxiety, we stress, we worry all because we know these “things” will eventually change.

So, here’s a better way.

Live for something that does not change.

I have found that in Jesus. He simply doesn’t change, his mission doesn’t change, and his charge doesn’t vary. When Jesus is at the center of my life, I find peace!

The key is to keep Jesus at the center. Everything in our life will fight for that center place. We must consistently self-evaluate to determine what is at the center. When anxiety, worry, and stress seem to be the norm, it may be time to re-center.

Evaluate these three areas:
Your passions. If Jesus is at the center, His desires become your passions.
Your faithfulness. When Jesus is at the center, we are simply more faithful. Faithful to the scripture, church, serving etc.
Your strength. Jesus gives power and renews strength. If Jesus is at the center, we will experience strength.

The best way to live is to have our family, success, jobs, desires to flow through Jesus. Then we find peace in the change. The centerpiece creates center-peace.

Stop Talking About Me!

Faith, General, Uncategorized

Have you ever talked about someone, negatively? Of course, we all have. It’s not one of our finer qualities. Speaking about someone negatively has ruined many relationships. This is a habit that we need to fight and try to do better.

Then I had this thought.

How often do we speak about ourselves negatively? You know that little inner voice that repeats itself over and over. That voice says things like you’re not good, pretty, or strong enough. This voice will remind you all the reason you worry. This inner voice will bring up all your fears. When you mess up in life this voice will say “you’re stupid, you deserve what you get.” “You can’t do that” the voice will repeat. We can be way more critical to ourselves than others.
Speaking to and about ourselves negatively is just as bad as speaking about others.

If we don’t train our mouth, it will naturally drift toward the negative.

You have the power of life and death in your tongue. (Proverbs 18:21)

Famed MLB pitcher now a mental consultant, Bob Tewksbury coaches athletes to use anchor statements to silence the inner critic. This is great wisdom!

What would it look like if we created simple, truthful statements that we can repeat when the inner critic rises up? Statements like…
I am faithful, strong and passionate!
I possess strength, love, and self-control!
I am creative and courageous!
I have ability and live in abundance!
I belong to God! God says I’m worthy, lovable, and enough.
I have everything I need to do everything God wants me to do!

Statements like these are tied to the truth of God’s word and create a sure foundation for life.

Your emotions follow your words!

If we speak truth over our life our emotions will naturally flow toward strength and peace.
If we speak lies and slander over our life our emotions will follow with fear.

Do you have anchor statements that you currently speak over your life? If so, share.

If not, develop a few.

I said to myself, self stop talking about me!